lounged with ancients

fit into the wind
like the dust swirl
in september air

a scent of red
as the eyes forget
in chemical pain

we lounged with ancients
when passions were living
in blue dreams

as the mind opens
to eye sight
our
breath
is fantasy.

earthly momentos

tapping keys into masked coherency
lost myself in the shuffle of learning
they will call me elder in a few years
i have earned my own guilt and shame
i shun the nag of self destruction
i have earned this day
no ego to claim as my victor
just the scars that rip open when the night falls
forced to remember who I am
caressed with earthly momentos
left to be swept worn by winds and dust
not lost
not found
just there captured in the inhale
and passed to the next breath
reconnecting the buried past
with tomorrow's history
never lost
never found
just there captured in the inhale

best drink I ever had

I have these thoughts that I can achieve outrageous goals in a short time. Sometimes it works and other times I wake up and think "it will never happen". Well I am in that mode of making things happen so lets see what happens.

Alot of love and peace this passed weekend. Felt the energy of what was described to me as the 'sixties". Anything is possible! Just smile and watch the world change one person at a time. Open a door and feel the ripple turn to a wave of human kindness. Let the human spirit of kindness be the leader of the day. I live in the center of the despair of families without, youth left out, women kept out, children left alone...a poverty of the mind and spirit breeds misery and despair. There is so much fear and anger there is no place to escape to. So it only makes sense to face it head on and kick it in the ass....I sat with one man and one woman who lived in a shack that wasn't theirs. They have no job, no food, no money. Yet they have the most loving way they have chosen to live and share. We shared moments that were priceless. Life is simple. Living is the tough part. Live. Just live. Smile. Cry. but smile again. A four day fast without food or water....brought the teaching of humility and appreciation for those everyday things we take for granted...i drank from a horn with insects swirling in their swim and it was the best drink I had ever had.

change the world one potato at a time

A very long day. Well, with a limp and a crutch I have been welcomed back to sort those spuds. They even set up a stool for me to rest on while I sort. I couldn't stay home. The money to be earned is needed and helping to make some ends meet.

There are huge storage buildings waiting to be filled and inspected by prospective buyers. Along the sidelines are the unwanted potatoes that will quickly find their way to the garbage. I continue in obedience, throwing small perfect roasting potatoes into a pile mixed with rotten and green spuds. I know even my family would love to have mashed, baked, fried, or boiled. I didn't say a word in protest. I did inquire about the potatoes and sent a quiet complaint of how it is such a waste when there are so many hungry people that could surely make use of the odd sized and unwanted vegetable. Poverty. Environment. Industry. Health. It is amazing how we will ignore the issues when we are in need. The immediate problems of putting food on the table and keeping the power on in the home always seems to be priority. How can the impoverished be proactive in addressing issues of environmental urgency or resource waste, when the thought of their child's empty stomach during school is the only motivator for the day? I care about the environment, the Earth. I care about those that have lived without and need a helping hand. I care. Period. But for today, I have to care about my family. There is no one in this world that has stepped forward to say "I care about your family". So it is up to me.

For now all i can do is send those positive vibes with each potato...peace and humankindness. Changing the world one potato at a time. Smile no matter what. Just for the hell of it.

Spirit Message

If you have wandered into this site, "welcome". I don't advertise or roam to much to grab attention. But when the attention does come so does the interesting questions and relationships.

I was just reminded of a reemerging message to everyone, us; no particular color, religion, or political stand needed, just an ability to listen. Those who 'know' will understand. There is a time when using what we 'know' will be the most important guide for survival. A spiritual war that began with a division of tribes that occurred during ancient times. During a time when the mysteries of today were not hidden but common knowledge and practice for everyone. The generations of distorted versions of history have attempted to erase all memory or knowledge of these times. A duty that has been passed down to ensure that the unfolding of goals emerge. These goals or ambitions are not in the best interest of those who cherish their freedom. A reawakening of genetic memory that will give rise to the knowledge that will reconnect our existence with our original ancestors for the sake of our survival. This is not a string of words open for debate. If you know then it will make sense. If you don't it is not my responsibility to convince you.

All is good and the way it should be.

Spirit Fed

Catch the moment.
Was caught in a sudden rain shower.
Refreshing and wonderful to have something 'real' touch me.
I mean that in a good way.
It is so easy to get caught up in the superficiality of the day
Stepping in time like zombies. Like machines.

I was planning on writing a bit more as I sat in the park but instead I stood and watched as an amazing dark billowing cloud glided toward the city. The sight of it frightened me but I continued to stand in awe of the force of this natural event. Having seen many storms every one has its unique strength and presence. A bolt of lightning crawled across the sky from dark cloud over blue sky. What an odd sight. That is when I realized I should probably retreat to a safer point. Away from the steel water tower and steel fence surrounding the park. The rain poured and blinded anyone attempting to walk in it. An elderly man in the process of walking his dog skipped across the street pulling the leash and lifting his head once to search for shelter. A small silver car stopped and offered to take him out of the rain. He accepted. For a moment I wondered what he would have done if I had offered. But that doesn’t matter it was nice to see human kindness.

My grandson loves the rain.
When he was a baby we would sit and watch the rain and the lightening from our home in the country. (before the fire) the storm clouds always seemed within reach. I could see the twirling build up of the clouds just above my head. I would sing that old song and hold the tobacco up in offering for the blessings that follow the natural cleanse. The riches of spirit. The ‘real’ touching my soul was all I needed to understand. To know.

The sun is out now. As quick as it arrived the clouds have moved south east leaving behind the new. A reminder of our dependence on this earth. One earth.

Hunger

Well we're doing it again. A few of us crazy women are putting together a plan just to ensure families like ours are fed and taken care of. We understand there are issues that are bigger than us and want to help but when you are caught in that pit of nothing your strength is only used to breathe-make it another day for the kids. Can't save the world but we can help each other help others, and so on. Poverty. Reality.

During a four day fast before a sundance ceremony I understood hunger at a different level. The hunger of the spirit. No food or water for four days was the best medicine to humble a being caught in this world. With a dry mouth I tasted the earth wind and the sage smudge smoke. I heard the songs of the earth and felt our relations heartbeats travel thoughout my body. I felt myself melting into every part of creation. And on the fourth day, that first drop of water from a buffalo horn was held in my mouth with such appreciation. I carry that with me to remember why I am here. Every day has held miracles and I have asked the Creator many times to help the people, the nations, open their eyes to them. Where ever one chooses to pray or search, in church buildings, sweatlodges, temples etc that doesn't matter. It only matters that the energy, prayer, thoughts need to reunite to build the strength of the being, to reconnect with the rest of creation. The world is filled with others who 'know'. Every nation, race, culture whatever has one or many of 'those that know'. We are just afraid to believe. When we take the time to listen answers to our troubles are revealed.

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Time is Calling us

the best way to figure out todays problems is to turn in your seat...looking back. As a spectator looking back at history we have little to lose and we avoid the direct pain and suffering that the humans of the time endured. What does that mean? How can we understand without feeling the pain? to feel the pain helps us to appreciate the healing. i would n't want to go back to the days when children were ripped from the arms of mothers and slammed against rocks for the shock effect - control. all i need to know is that i am alive today because someone back then continued to survive. I have the knowledge and freedom to live with the teachings of my ancestors because someone lived/died to ensure the gift would be mine. the grandmothers that hovered over the children. the men who held the woman's word close to their heart and stood to protect them. I am here because they knew what they were doing. Humility, honor, courage, and unconditional acts of love. I think that is the only time that word is used, universal meaning that is now becoming rare, as a result of empty overuse. Now I stand with what I can. i feel so inferior to the grandmothers out there that have stood up in their weary years to speak for us who are either too afraid, too tired, too sick, or too blind to understand the importance of our time - the urgency. I heard one elder say today, "Time is short. Time is calling us." amazing. My dreams are loyal to the times. I ask myself everyday why am I having these prophetic dreams yet I do not have the knowledge of what to do with them. "We can talk about things, but without prayer we will never succeed."

Change my reality? I don't mean to dishonor those ones that came before me or deceive the ones that will come after me. I only want to be a part of a different reality that includes peace, unity, and overall a reconnection with our mother, the Earth. To begin with strengthening my own spirit seems to me the only sensible road to take. I feel like something is coming. The hairs on my body tingle at the thought. Truth. There is a bit of fear and yet a feeling of relief - I am not insane. I see the women of the world have listened! That is another word that has echoed in my mind for many years. "Listen" to the whispers of the earth, the universe, the ancestors. I listen and sometimes I am afraid. I have no one to share this with. I am a quiet woman, a mother, a grandmother, I am a grain of the earth, with all my relations.