Gratitude

I wander back in the short time since I started this blog and notice changes already occurring in my life. I began with such despair as I struggled to keep my heart off the ground. I felt selfish for thinking only of our circumstance when so much pain exists in not so far away places. Yet I could only think of the sadness that clouded over our home. I never stopped caring about others or wanting to help when I could. I have discovered something beautiful about myself during this time. I love people and care enough to keep helping even when I have little to offer. This was important for me to know as I felt something slipping away. I did not want to lose sight of my place in this world as honoured to me by the women before me. I don’t boast about this with false pride it is out of an exciting self realization and confirmation of my path.

Over the last week a string of events occurred that has amazed me to the point of tears. My main goal was just to ensure my family continued to have a home and food on the table. Anything more would be a luxury. I am not in the habit of burdening others with my struggles and have not even told my family I have this blog. So basically no one really knows I am writing these short bits of struggling times.

One day a cheque arrives. Hesitant to believe it was sent to the correct person/address I confirmed its sender and was amazed to find it as owed! The next may not sound too responsible but I was glad I tried it. After I paid the bills and bought some healthy food I had in my pocket 25 dollars when I had to meet someone for a coffee. In the back of the coffee shop was two slot or casino game machines – whatever they are called. My friend put two dollars into it and won ten. I put my five dollars into it and won 250! I pressed the button two more times and another 260. Okay by this time I was freaked! I felt as if I had just done something wrong. It couldn’t be that easy. But now I had over 500 dollars! I received in the last week more than enough to cover the outstanding bills and buy those extras (clothing for my son and daughter, toiletries, and bags of fruit).

Now as I sit here with so much gratitude. And for those who say money can’t buy happiness well try living without it – really without it – for even a couple months. Money is sadly very much needed in a world that has changed so much that hunting for your food is either illegal or poison. My daughter is/was a hunter since she was seven but stopped when she seen how sick the animals were getting. The human impact on the environment has created such havoc on the weather and land the berries will no longer grow. The process of assimilation inflicted on nations has created families with fast food dependencies and sickness. Ironic how we now live on the industrialized crap and cannot afford the food that sustained in the time of the ancestors. The same food that was got by practices deemed savage and outlawed to promote a more civilized approach to living. In the name of assimilation. The healthy ‘savage’ food. I don’t want to live in a tipi and I don’t want to follow buffalo herds. (cannot afford to pay the toll to pass through or the there is no free roaming anymore) I am tired of seeing so many nations starving in a world that has enough for everyone.
Sad. Sad. Poverty Reality.
I am in it.
We are all in it.
Impoverished.
A starving spirit.
But it is all going to change.
Can you hear it?