The Dead Will Rise

Feeling sorry for myself today. I tried to put together an entry but after almost three pages I realized it was all whining. My foot didn't heal quick enough to save the job. I attempted to work with the fractured foot but the healing was taking longer from the 12 hour days. My daughter helped me out by lending me her bill money for food. Payday was yesterday for the other workers and the employer won't answer my calls. My paycheck would be such a blessing today. I will not cry today. I will keep my head up and enjoy the day while I work on my long term goals and put together the short term plans to keep me sane and the family fed. All is good and the way it should be.
I wish I could afford just a small portion of land that this farm had. I would grow what I needed for my family and share food or portions of the land for others to grow their own. I would live simply and love it. The only thing....hahaha...could I survive without the internet. Technological dependencies still creep into my life.
I did ask about the potatoes that were being thrown out and perfectly good for a family to use for a meal or two. The response was not enthusiastic. Long story short I would have to sneak in and sort through the piles before they would let them go. I even volunteered to sort. But no go. I really think it made me sick to throw the food out when I knew my family and other families were hungry that day.

The reality of those dark corners of life "people like me" are forced to live in also shows itself in our children. "We" struggle to keep the ugliness from our children even if it is all around us. I said the other day, I can't keep my children from the bad but I can teach them to survive in it. My son likes the skateboard he puts together his own from other broken ones. My daughter plays the piano. We saved up and bought her one five years ago and she still has it in great shape. She is taking lessons from an retired music teacher who charges only $3 a session or less just to keep my daughter going. To some these are unnecessary items or costs but to me this is part of the survival. Not only is it keeping their interests alive but also keeping them away from being pulled into gangs or worse. I had a visitor yesterday seeking temporary refuge from a highway escape across the country. A relative who had also clawed her way from the clutches of street life. She wanted to be a nurse. She did it. In the mean time the lack of support for a single mother away from home left her children in the hands of schools and gangs. the latter won. Now, in search of safety and a new start (again) she expressed how tired she is and cried with fear of giving up. Her 11 year old son was terribly assaulted by her older son. Pure evil so close to home. The abuser recognized the behavior as a retaliation against the monster who preyed on him during his childhood. A cycle of evil that is getting smarter and smarter with each generation. My visitor was escaping her own son to protect the younger children. The best way to survive in this world is to keep moving. Don't stop. Keep going - somewhere.

An old man over twenty years ago shared with me that the signs of importance to watch for included events such as water will be sold in stores, the dead will rise, and a strong wind will come from the east. He hasn't been wrong yet. The dead will rise can be taken in so many ways, from the fossils and mummified bodies that are being discovered to the violence that is rising in hearts of the young as the passed abuses manifest itself. This is a storm we must go through. There is no avoiding it or easy way around it.

Peace and Humankindness

change the world one potato at a time

A very long day. Well, with a limp and a crutch I have been welcomed back to sort those spuds. They even set up a stool for me to rest on while I sort. I couldn't stay home. The money to be earned is needed and helping to make some ends meet.

There are huge storage buildings waiting to be filled and inspected by prospective buyers. Along the sidelines are the unwanted potatoes that will quickly find their way to the garbage. I continue in obedience, throwing small perfect roasting potatoes into a pile mixed with rotten and green spuds. I know even my family would love to have mashed, baked, fried, or boiled. I didn't say a word in protest. I did inquire about the potatoes and sent a quiet complaint of how it is such a waste when there are so many hungry people that could surely make use of the odd sized and unwanted vegetable. Poverty. Environment. Industry. Health. It is amazing how we will ignore the issues when we are in need. The immediate problems of putting food on the table and keeping the power on in the home always seems to be priority. How can the impoverished be proactive in addressing issues of environmental urgency or resource waste, when the thought of their child's empty stomach during school is the only motivator for the day? I care about the environment, the Earth. I care about those that have lived without and need a helping hand. I care. Period. But for today, I have to care about my family. There is no one in this world that has stepped forward to say "I care about your family". So it is up to me.

For now all i can do is send those positive vibes with each potato...peace and humankindness. Changing the world one potato at a time. Smile no matter what. Just for the hell of it.

Now what!?

Well I finished the shift today. It was a long and very cold day. People are always saying be careful what you wish for you just might get it. Well I had many moments today when I wished I could be home in bed. And this evening as I was leaving my daughter's home I tripped and fell onto the cement. I swore i heard a crack. Without any real concern shown from my darling children I hobbled to the shower fighting back tears. I asked for a break and got it. Long story short I took myself to the emergency room and was told I cracked a bone in my foot. I will be hobbling for awhile. Stay off your feet the Doc says. No matter how I look at it there is no avoiding standing on my feet for the job. I have to quit. So much for the extra income. So much for feeling a bit of relief. I am so fricken used to disappointment yet I still don't like it one bit! I could limp and just keep the weight on the opposite leg. I have to avoid the supervisors or they will surely tell me to leave. Damn my foot hurts...aches. to top it off the Doc who tended to me in the emergency room asked about my employ and what i did..."sort the potatos and what about the unwanted imperfect potatoes what do they do with them? Could feed alot of people those little potatoes that are tossed." Guilt...I knew this but this goes into the topic of how poverty contributes to other issues of environmental impact and social complacency. So many potatoes. I can still smell the earth and hear the hollow clang against the sides of the potato shoot. Another experience. No fair. but all is good and the way it should be....just have to see it.

Special French Fry

Now this is how it feels to really earn your money! Yet it feels great. Another dollar day to take to the bank. I have to ignore all the chaos at home right now. That is what usually prevents me from either completing or enjoying the experience.

Anyways another 12 hour shift. They even expected more time from us. No way! I have a family and I was on the verge of puking dinner and missing my family. My feet are tingling and my back is numb. I am going back for more in the morning. The crew I am with all seem to have built a bit of loyalty to the farm we are working for. they want to help them get the crop done before it is too cold and wet. That is when they all go to waste.

What do I do. The same weird me. I say watch the fries the next time you sit down to snack on the delicious potato. It just might be one of those special potatoes that passed beneath my finger tips and was sent wishes of happiness, humankindness, and peace. HaHaha....special fries with blessings. oh well gotta find something to laugh about no matter what you do.

Laugh today and eat a fry....:)

rotten potatoes two

Well I did it. I made the 12 hour shift. The day went by fast until that last thirty minutes. My feet were burning and my back began its wail again. Yet....I still felt so good to have a job. They gave me an advance so I could make sure I had enough fuel to travel back and forth. I also used it for school lunches. We feel rich! I am sooooo tired but we have food and school lunches. That's what matters right now.
Another grueling stand to do tomorrow but this time only 10 hours. I met a woman who grows Saskatoons and has a summer upick. I asked her to bring some next week during payday so I could buy some and make pie. MMMMMMM

If you can make a difference in someone's life. Give them a job if you have one to give. Buy two coffees, one for you and another for a stranger. I don't know there are so many things a person can do just to make this world shrink a bit and take notice of the individual.

Well got to have to must go to bed. I am typing with my eyes closed...:)

rotten potatoes

The Vegetable sorting job is one of the worst jobs I have had. I have scrubbed inner city toilets, washed unknown chocolate colored smears off walls, and harassed families over the phone for money. Sorting potatoes is definitely in the running for worst job. Arrive before the sun rises and wait alongside the chain smoking grumpy old men. Then when your shift begins your spot of two feet in front of a conveyor belt spits out potatoes of all shapes and sizes. First you have to get over the nauseating motion sickness attributed to the fast forward of the potatoes while your eyes are darting in search of the rotten ones. Once you have survived the motion sickness without incident (up chucking breakfast over potatoes) the tiredness of standing begins to take its toll. The occasional glitch with the machine provides a short rest but usually means a longer sorting period with potatoes piled up in waiting.

Okay, the positive. I feel good knowing I am going to get a pay cheque. Funny. I go to school like I am told. I get a degree like I am told. I apply for jobs like I am told. I remain patient like I am told. My degree got me a job sorting rotten potatoes. Well actually, the degree wasn't mentioned, just a match of desperation meets desperation. They needed help asap and I needed a job asap. I works out some how. Another long day tomorrow, 7am to 8pm. We travel about an hour to work. I am scrambling right now to make enough gas to get there again tomorrow. Damn gas prices. If it wasn't out in the boonies I would walk or ride a bike (if I had one). Time to rest. These 'young' grandma feet are aching and my back is screaming. Best get some sleep or there is no way I will make the 12 hour shift.

Spirit Message

If you have wandered into this site, "welcome". I don't advertise or roam to much to grab attention. But when the attention does come so does the interesting questions and relationships.

I was just reminded of a reemerging message to everyone, us; no particular color, religion, or political stand needed, just an ability to listen. Those who 'know' will understand. There is a time when using what we 'know' will be the most important guide for survival. A spiritual war that began with a division of tribes that occurred during ancient times. During a time when the mysteries of today were not hidden but common knowledge and practice for everyone. The generations of distorted versions of history have attempted to erase all memory or knowledge of these times. A duty that has been passed down to ensure that the unfolding of goals emerge. These goals or ambitions are not in the best interest of those who cherish their freedom. A reawakening of genetic memory that will give rise to the knowledge that will reconnect our existence with our original ancestors for the sake of our survival. This is not a string of words open for debate. If you know then it will make sense. If you don't it is not my responsibility to convince you.

All is good and the way it should be.

potato potato potato

Gotta do whatcha gotta do when you gotta do it.
Well the up coming week will begin with an early
morning drive to an unknown farm to begin employment
as a "Vegetable Sorter". It is a short term job, but
this grandma needs to get a few things for the winter.
They figure we will have 10 to 12 hour days, alot of standing,
bending, and sorting of course. I hope my ankle holds up.
I actually look forward to actually making some money.
The bad habits already set in. I seen some used clothing
items for $40/bundle that I know would make my teenage son
very happy. I am using this weekend to make a couple of shirts for
my daughter. She gave me an idea of the type of styles she likes.
My task is to try make something similar without the 100 dollar price tag.

The leaves are changing color. Rain is cold.
The tap is dripping. And I have five dollars to
put in my gas tank. My son is applying for another job
at a grocery store. My grandson didn't complain
about the Mac and Cheese dinner I made him.
My daughter loves her Biology class.
Now there's just nothing to beat that kinda life - unfolding.

A step at a time. Just smile. Lift a hand when it is needed
Shed a tear when life hurts. Punch Air in the face when life
cheats. Tickle the world till it rumbles with laughter. Let
Tomorrow's mystery embrace you during stormy nights.
Never regret.
All is good and the way it should be.

Scary World We Have Created

Desperation

A news cast today spoke of two young girls that had assaulted a woman then took her purse. This happened in the evening. I don’t know the circumstances of the girls who resorted to violence for an unknown amount of money but it did make me think about what a person would do in times of desperation.

I sat with the thought of “how desperate would I have to be to resort to acts of violence to achieve or receive what I needed?” There were times in my life when I watched as others ate a meal as my stomach ached with hunger. I was too young to be given employment (legitimate), too young for the hostiles, and too old to be taken in by any of the social services. In those moments of real hunger I contemplated stealing. I would play it over and over in my head. A ten dollar bill could buy a bag of food to last me a week. It would help me stay awake during the day. I spent a lot of time sleeping where I could because of hunger or just plain sadness. Playing the whole assault in my mind always led to seeing a stranger hurt by my hand. Maybe someone also in need for their family and then I come along. I never could do it. This also made me angry. The hardest moments when I was convinced a certain stranger would deserve to have his world shaken by a violent theft. I am thinking of those who would literally kick you to the curb for just walking on the same sidewalk. Maybe they would learn or understand to some degree what it was like to have been told “you have the world at your fingertips” and then find out that was a lie. The decision not to resort to violence in this time of my life was based on a need that no amount of food or money could replace. The need to still look at myself without shame. The world looked at me with distaste but I knew one day, one day, I would taste the type of freedom they had so easily taken for granted. Only a certain few make it out or in.

Back to the two young girls. Today there are so many excuses for why violence is used. I believe desperation is still one of them but it isn’t the strongest motivator. A sub culture fighting for power in what ever way is now the key to survival. They have learned that if you don’t take it you will never have anything. I don’t think this is any different no matter what society or community. The young have just picked up on it and now are enforcing it. A scary world we have created.